Desires, Fear, Risks, Change

Note: Coherence is irrelevant in this post. Pardon the author.

***

I have been through a lot lately – well, not exactly a lot as people would assume it to be but I am having a lot of realizations despite my being out of the loop because I have been craving for sleep most of the time.

I have had plans which I thought would push through but then again I have also encountered changes which I haven’t expected to happen.

I have been seeing several beautiful things happening for people around me. Of course, it would be a lie to say that I don’t feel even the slightest envy on what they have achieved because I wanted it to happen for myself and I want to make it happen for the people around me. Sometimes I would ask myself if I am just afraid of taking risks or if I am not capable enough of achieving what they can. But then, my happiness for these people who are able to do so is not unreal.

With those things said, though, I only want a simple life. But before settling into simplicity, I want to challenge myself and try reaching greater heights.

I came across my message archive a while ago and remembered the beautiful exchanges I have had with a friend, who I would leave unnamed for the moment. This was during the time I was experiencing the problem that is burn out. I hope once she finds out, she will not mind my sharing of her story. More than a friend, she has become an elder sister to me, and all her advices have become lessons and inspirations for me until now.

***

She is a pampered princess. She grew not lacking anything, and even during the time she started working, she was really earning big time! I can attest to that because I got to know her for quite a time already.

But then again, she was not happy. She even told me that working for a service-oriented type of establishment has been a humbling experience for her to the point that she would help her crew with even the most menial tasks. At the end of the day, though, the only question she would as herself is “Do I like what I am doing?” Despite being dead tired physically and mentally, money has been lacking! She used to receive a minimum of  Php 20,000 without her other incentives and suddenly, she would receive Php 4,300 which isn’t even enough for the payment of all her utilities.

What she told me is I should not hold myself just because I am earning high. Like her, she is doing what she does because she enjoys it, she is learning so much not just with the job but with the people she is with.

The best thing I heard from her is I should not be afraid to start from the beginning. Logically, it would put to waste everything that I have already accomplished but a beginning is always a given chance so it should not be wasted. That it’s harder to look back and regret the things you didn’t try doing just because you were afraid.

She also told me that if I won’t be able to buy another pair of Charles & Keith or that new dress from Zara or Mango, so what? It couldn’t give me joy in the long run because I can only find that in simple things (Note: I know she’s not being bitter here because I know she has had a lot!) It would be really hard at first especially when people around you would brag about their latest gadget purchase, their latest travel, or their latest boytoy (LOL on this) when you can’t even afford to buy yourself a tall order of frapuccino. As she said, there isn’t a piece of clothing that doesn’t wear out, a gadget that won’t get wrecked, or a place you can’t go to in the future.

Right now, she is thankful that she had and has a choice. She has no qualms or complains whatsoever, only gratefulness for everything she has been through and everything she has right now.

***

I’m thankful there are still people like her who has learned a lot about life and is not afraid to share it with such a kid as me; that there are still people like her who has found the joy of and in living simply. I still have a lot to go through and still have a lot to learn. But I will always cherish these words from my dearest sister.

Advertisements

One thought on “Desires, Fear, Risks, Change

  1. Dear Karixie,

    I was going to write a rather long response to your blog post. I was already halfway through, then decided to delete the entire thing and keep the thoughts to myself.

    But I especially wanted to say “thank you for writing this”.

    Bless you sleepyhead and never lose the child in your heart.

    N.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s